Moments later, thick black lips peeled back to expose-no doubt about it-a glistening, pulsating vagina. Firstly: that loathsome leathery pod that grew translucent as John Hurt neared, revealing a jellied organ aquiver within. Indeed, Alien teemed, burst, with inner private parts that had no business seeing the light of day. Learned that space was cloyingly organic, infected and infectious, rapacious-and that to experience space was to experience not the infinite void but rather the claustrophobic horror of being caged with a sexual predator.

Before, I'd believed outer space an antiseptic realm soundtracked by strauss. The cable arts channel Bravo included this scene in its Sexiest Moments in Film-in which the model-pundit Roshumba Williams helpfully explained, 'In the male world, boobs are huge.'

Here, hooters star in a compressed version of the male adolescent's tragic arc: from the soaring heights of erotic fantasia to the bleak depths of sexual humiliation, as the sleek naiad of Reinhold's imaginings actually walks in on him log-flogging to her image. The boob shot would soon become stock-in-trade of the Porky's epoch, but it would never be used to such weighty narrative effect. And boy, do they move in stereo, those pert, secondary sexual characteristics of teenage Phoebe Cates, as-in one breathtaking gesture-she frees her frisky buds from their front-fastening red bikini top to quiver in the balletic perfection of Judge Reinhold's furtive spank dream. Then-in a scene that will forever grant an otherwise incomprehensible erotic aura to the Cars-the new-wave chestnut 'Moving in Stereo' kicks in as Phoebe Cates begins her slo-mo poolside strut. She rises from the depths like the Venus of the San Fernando Valley-slicked hair glistening, water dripping from her smiling lipps, dark eyes glittering with libidinal mischief.

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